Friday, December 31, 2010

New Years

New Years is often a time of reflection of one's past and current life and the hope and excitement for a chance at a better life. Its a rebirth that occurs every year; a new start, new beginning, a chance to "do over" those things which haven't worked out very well in the past.

Every year at this time, I join millions of others and make my New Year's Resolutions; often repeating the same resolutions as the year and years before, knowing full well that I will have given up on every single one of them within one or two weeks and laugh it off as a silly little game that I play and that it has no real meaning and there are no real consequences to blowing it off. Things are what they are and I'm not going to change just because the calendar says its time for me to.

Each year I read the horoscope for the coming year to see what the stars think will be my future for the coming year. It always sounds great. It makes me smile to think, even for a brief moment, that I could have a year like that. This year's said for me to do what I've been putting off and it will make the second half of 2011 very rewarding, both emotionally and financially. That one is tempting to follow up on.

Another new year's "thing" that I do is to make sure I have money in the bank and food in the pantry, because one time I read that was a tradition to insure that you would be able to provide for your family throughout the coming year.

This year is different, though. I've been very deep in thought and very melancholy. At the beginning of the week, I started my mental list of the usual resolutions: lose weight, exercise, get organized, be neater, makes lots of money, be more spontaneous and outgoing, learn something new, maybe even a new vocation, pamper myself, enjoy each day like its my last, etc., etc... Then I realized that none of that was going to happen and none of it is even remotely important. It occurred to me that I'm scared of the coming year. I don't want it to be 2011. I want to cling to 2010 where its safe.

You see, my husband of 25 years has stage 4 colon cancer. There's a very good chance that he will not survive 2011 and that just looms over me like a dark cloud. So I bounce around like a pinball between doing what I do every year (with the thought that tradition and consistency will comfort me, as well as being caught up in New Year's projects to keep me busy) to shrugging my shoulders at the whole thing, like 'what's the point?'

I was hoping in typing all of this out that I would come to a happy breakthrough, but I don't think that's going to happen today. Over the coming days, weeks, maybe even months I'll be working through my mental state and my life, but for now, my New Year's Resolutions will be put on the back burner. I did however come up with a New Year's theme as talked about in several blogs: which led me to this site: which led me to this site:

So, after much thought and soul searching, my "theme" for 2011 is

Faith, Hope & Love
I Corinthians 13:13

and my tagline is:

Matthew 21:22

Lastly, I want to leave you with this. It brings me comfort :)

2011 - May it be filled with miracles!


  1. Shari~This is such a heartfelt, honest, and touching post. My heart breaks thinking of what you might face but am so in awe of your ability to continue to carry forward and stay involved in things that bring you some happiness. The idea of processing things here where your friends can listen and maybe offer encouragement, I think, is a wonderful idea.

    I am also so inspired by your "theme and tagline" of FAITH, HOPE & LOVE, and PRAYER. You are an amazing woman and I hope that I can offer you all the support I have!

    After reading your post, I started a list of the things I'd like to improve and/or change and will be putting them all together to come up with a theme(s) and tagline(s) to help me through 2011 as well!

    God Bless you and keep you and yours~
    Kelly <3 ><>

  2. Shari - thank you for sharing your heart. I will be a support for you in prayer and encouragement. I am very proud of you for being so transparent, something that is not easy to do. I commend you for that and will continue to follow your blog.

    I will learn lots from you I know, as you are farther ahead in your journey with your hubby than I am. Together we all can help and pray for each other. I truly believe in a God that hears and answers our prayers.

    I also believe and cannot go a day without getting help and guidance from reading the Bible, the inspired word of God, who lives in me and keeps me smiling and breathing and caring and loving. My love is extended to you, my dear.

    May this year of 2011 fulfill yours and our hearts' desires.


  3. I knew I would need the kleenex.

    To see as God sees....I don't know if I would want that or not. At least not all of it. But to see His end purpose would be nice at times. Or even to see how He is going to be with me, teach me, calm me, hold me during the down times of life.

    I have found that the anticipation of what MIGHT happen causes a fear that is worse than the actual happening. Fear of what MAY happen in the future can be so paralyzing because we do not have the grace of God to endure it in the present. God only gives grace as needed...not any sooner. I guess that is where faith comes in. To believe what He says is true about Himself and resting in that now.

    I lost both of my parents to cancer. My father-in-law, too. My FIL's faith was exceptional and the peace he had cast out fear. Not only for him, but for those around him. It was quite amazing really. This was a physically strong, self made man who used to scoff at the idea of God in one's life. Though weak in body, his greatness at the ens far exceeded any physical prowess he carried during his life. I believe in God's grace. I believe it will be there for you when you need it. And I pray daily that you know it is with you even now.

    Many hugs and much love,

  4. Thank you all so much! Your words are so very inspiring and encouraging. I started feeling much better yesterday and even more so today. After the stroke of midnight on New Years, my husband said he was thankful for having made it through another year and hopes he can make it all the way through this one.

  5. My word verification for that last post was "stride". I like that. That will be my goal for today, to take everything in stride.

  6. Shari,
    My dear friend. You are so strong. This could not be easy for you to write this. I do hope that it helps you.
    Do know that I feel for you, pray with you, and am here for you in whatever way I can help.
    I want to thank you for sharing these thoughts with us. Keep the faith, and stay strong. That is all you can do. And try and enjoy each day to it's fullest. That is what is important.
    I loved the song that you chose.
    I love you, my friend.