Today was my first time at church since March and it was exactly what I needed. I've been watching services online every Sunday, singing with the praise and worship team, taking notes from the sermons, but actually being there in person is a completely different experience and one that I didn't realize that my mind, heart, and soul desperately needed.
I didn't sleep very well last night and woke up an hour before my alarm clock went off. I thought it was because of my headache but later realized it was because I was so excited to go back to church and see everyone. I got dressed an hour early and even put on make-up (another first since March); it was only eye make-up because anything else would be superfluous (due to mask mandate).
When we arrived at church, we were greeted by familiar faces and I just wanted to hug everyone but managed to contain myself. I could tell they were smiling behind their masks, and hopefully, they could tell that I was smiling. I wasn't sure what to expect inside the sanctuary, how full it would be, who would be there, if people would be socializing...but was kind of surprised to see that there weren't the number of people I expected, nor the specific people I expected, but more on that later (as in another post, another day). I didn't think too much of it, especially as the band began to play.
There's just nothing like being in the midst of brothers and sisters in Christ, worshipping our Lord through music, song, and for me, a little bit of free-style dancing. I sang as loud as I could and was often moved to tears by the lyrics and the voices around me. The Holy Spirit stirred inside of me. In that moment, my thoughts turned to the Christians who live in cultures where Christianity is forbidden. I had a better understanding of their drive to gather in worship, no matter the dangers. I pray for these people and think about these things on a regular basis and have to wonder sometimes, would I be as brave as they are? Today, I felt like that answer would be 'yes.' After being unable to worship together for so long, I see what a difference this one service has made in me today. It's changed my mood, emotions, and even some of my thoughts about certain things.
I needed this so much; this IRL fellowship with my church family. I feel renewed; my faith and resolve are rekindled. Hopefully, tomorrow I'll be able to write some more about this. Until then, know that Jesus loves you, and I do, too.
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