I forgot that I was going to share at least one example that, in my mind, illustrates that it's important for us to love ourselves so that we can love and care for others. (However, I do not believe that the bible tells us to put our needs before others' nor does it mean that we should love ourselves more than others.)
Throughout my first marriage, I did not like myself. I did not love myself. In order to shield me from emotional, mental, and verbal abuse, I would beat my husband to the negative talk. Instead of waiting for him to ask, "What's wrong with you?" in that disdaining voice, I would start conversations with, "I'm sorry", or "I wasn't thinking," or "I screwed up and did or said this..." Whatever the topic, I began by putting myself down so I wouldn't have to hear him say those things, but he said them anyway. After you hear those types of statements over and over again, you begin to believe them.
I walked away from God a few years before I even got married, but afterward, even if I had thought to return to Him, I wouldn't have felt worthy. I had totally screwed up my life.
I was empty and numb inside; didn't know who I was anymore. I had no sense of self-esteem or self-worth. I did still do whatever needed to be done; if someone needed my help, I was right there. Everything was out of a sense of obligation, looking for approval. None of it was because I wanted to take care of others. It was just what was necessary and it wasn't from the heart.
What I just this second realized is that, when I returned to God, that's when things started to change for the better. The abuse didn't stop but I no longer felt so alone. I had Someone to go to and talk to. My heart changed. I still continued to berate myself, but I felt loved by God and that made a difference.
After my husband passed away, I sought help and was blessed with smart, insightful counselors. I grew spiritually, getting reacquainted with my Father, His Son, and the Holy Spirit. I became a student of the Word, reading the entire bible over and over again, learning how it's one continuous book that God, in His infinite wisdom, created for our use so that we can maneuver through our time on Earth.
I began taking care of my physical body, too, realizing what the phrase, "my body is a temple" means. The Holy Spirit lives inside of me; I need to take care of His home.
My conclusion then is this: we need to
... love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’
Matthew 22:37b-39
The second part of verse 39 is what many say means that we need to love ourselves in order to love others, but what I've been getting from the majority of the commentaries I've read this week is that we already love ourselves. I wanted to share three so you can make your own conclusions:
Matthew Henry's Concise Commentary (from 1710):
There is a self-love which is corrupt, and the root of the greatest sins, and it must be put off and mortified; but there is a self-love which is the rule of the greatest duty: we must have a due concern for the welfare of our own souls and bodies. And we must love our neighbour as truly and sincerely as we love ourselves; in many cases we must deny ourselves for the good of others.
Gill's Exposition of the Entire Bible (from 1771)
This law supposes, that men should love themselves, or otherwise they cannot love their neighbour; not in a sinful way, by indulging themselves in carnal lusts and pleasures; some are lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; but in a natural way, so as to be careful of their bodies, families, and estates; and in a spiritual way, so as to be concerned for their souls, and the everlasting happiness of them: and in like manner should men love their neighbours, in things temporal do them all the good they can, and do no injury to their persons or property; and in things spiritual pray for them, instruct them, and advise as they would their own souls, or their nearest and dearest relations. And this is to be extended to every man; though the Jews restrain it to their friend and companion, and one of their own religion,
EnduringWord.com David Guzik
It is clear enough what it means to love the LORD with all we are, though it is impossible to do perfectly. But there has been much confusion about what it means to love your neighbor as yourself. This doesn’t mean that we must love ourselves before we can love anyone else; it means that in the same way we take care of ourselves and are concerned about our own interests, we should take care and have concern for the interests of others.
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Please join me this week in praying for our individual selves and for us as the collective Church. May we realize our worth and responsibilities as children of God, being created in His image. May we go to Him even in the midst of our guilt and shame so that He may forgive us of our sins, help us to be more Christlike, and grow in our faith and obedience.
I'll post daily reminders on:
twitter @7DegreesOfMe
Facebook group 7th Hour Prayer Power
#7thHourPrayerPower #BibleVerses #bible #selflove #self #shame #guilt #selfesteem #abuse
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